Let the games begin .......................... a Mexican Standoff....... ROUND ONE ! or is it two.......???
As Baylon screams, Pirate is burying his head in his favorite toy....... he's just got it in his mouth like a pacifier... maybe he's trying to show Baylon how it's done. I'm right next to Pirate..... not far from Baylon at all.
Okay, can someone please tell me, where my sweet, beautiful, warm, funny, calm, HAPPY baby went????????? She's so overtired.... she's so beyond the beyond, it's all I can do to not run over and pick her up.........
For the whole time in China, our little girl went with the flow. That's more than we could have even asked of ourselves. She, as was all of the other little ones, was the perfect little trooper.
Even the plane ride was pretty much uneventful. We came home, and as I've mentioned before, the crib level was set too high, so we couldn't place her in there, and off to the living room we went for a few hours, me on the couch, and Baylon across from me in her pack n play. We both slept for an hour, initially we couldn't sleep, and didn't fall off till 4 a.m, and then she woke, guess when........... " FIVE" a.m. Oh yeah, that's right......... F I V E A.M...... oooh, I bet I could come up with a few good words to start with those 4 little letters.
Okay, that wasn't so bad, and I'm resourceful....... after all, it was Christmas Day, and I have so much to be thankful for....... okay, well, we had so many people that we couldn't disappoint this wonderful day, the first day home, and it WAS, afterall, Christmas.....so off we went. Once again, Baylon was the PERFECT child, and won the hearts of everyone around her............. when we got home, it was too late to lower the crib, so again, we stayed in the living room, me on the couch, Baylon asleep in her pack n play....... Now I don't remember how much sleep we got, but not enough.... seemed like just when we fell asleep, or let me rephrase that.... just when I fell asleep, she woke up. That following afternoon, the Sun was shining brightly, so beautiful and warm, but I felt so out of sorts, and she was exhausted too, that I just took her into the guest bedroom, next to her brand spanking, BEAUTIFUL newly decorated, newly built, nursery. She and I slept for what seemed forever........ we languished between the sheets for what felt like a delightful eternity............... which brings me to my new problems............ I felt that perhaps I'd made a huge mistake, by bringing her into my bed......but no problem, this night, we'd put her to bed in her crib and all would be well, right as rain....... boy was I wrong.
Last night, Baylon cried for over 2 + hours....... I kept running in and reassuring her every 20 minutes or so.....that was the game plan. I have a monitor on her, and I could see her standing there plain as day, just screaming bloody murder. I was determined to ride this out, and no matter what it took, I was going to reassure her, but not bring her back to my bed..... I had her out, hugged her, changed her, gave her a bottle, but put her back in her crib, and somewhere around 4 in the morning, the crying stopped, but Baylon hadn't fallen asleep.... Baylon was playing, and making all kinds of happy sounds, and with that, I allowed myself to fall off to sleep........ but I made a promise to myself, this was no longer the game plan.
Tonight, I would do whatever it took to make sure my baby is a happy, secure, little camper......
or so I thought. We'd been at Dave's family's house for the entire day, it was a Welcome Home Baylon Party, of sorts....... once again, Baylon dazzled everyone around her. Hard to believe that it was the wee hours of the morning on her little Asian Clock.... she fell asleep in my arms, as the family broke out in the usual Irish Songs......(a family tradition), Dave's family is quite talented in this department, and his Brother Dan, a performer, brought his Banjo, and his Uncle John...... also the performer and a fantastic bagpiper, carried us through an array of wonderful Irish music, both traditional, and originals...... so Baylon who loves music fell, asleep swaying to the tunes, and I placed her safely in another room.... perhaps this was my downfall, I should have kept her up, as "tired", would have been the magic word.
Once home tonight, after a small meal, and bottle, she drifted off to sleep once again in my arms......... oooooh, Dave this couldn't be easier....... till I placed her in her crib, and she like one of those old blow up toys from the 50's that you just can't knock over, sprung up into a seated position..... I swear that girls eyes were CLOSED..... okay, so, we'll start this again, and not diswayed in the least... I brought her back upstairs and this time Dave held her till she fell asleep. Once again in dreamland, Dave attempted to place her in her crib, and as if she got an electric shock, sprung to life...... okay I said, still not forced off track... that's okay, maybe she and I will just sleep in the living room again, and we'll begin this tomorrow........ WRONG...... I've done everything except hold this child.... well that's not true...... I got up, went over to my hysterical baby, and placed her lovingly in my arms....... I wanted to soothe her, and make the tears go away...... tomorrow I'd ask the Doctor what to do, and we'd begin again...... BUT, I have to tell you this....... the second I picked her up, her eyes danced happily, they glanced around the room, and looked up at me as if to say........ SUCKER !!!!!!, she played me like a violin......... and so, I am now holding my ground. This time, I'm in the room with her...... we spent our entire time in China, and she was so independent, she'd play in her crib with the toys that she has now.... only, excuse me, this pile has grown.... more toys...... okay, forget the toys..... she inconsoluble..... , SHE is screaming, as if she was alone in the room. So, not only did she win the battle of not being alone in the room downstairs...... NOW, she's upped the antie...... she's screaming, because she wants to be held.... picking her up right now goes against every fiber in my body.......... it's just wrong. She convinced me a short time ago, that she wasn't that upset at all....... the second I picked her up, GAME OVER !......... Where is the book on this..... okay, a moment of silence..... oh, she's just getting air...... where is the book on this for adopted children. I am absolutely positive this is nothing more than a temper tantrum..... if I truly knew that I'd place her in her bed downstairs, and let her cry and cry, oh yeah, did I say CRY,...... but I can't......... honestly, I think that picking her up, is worse than letting her cry at this point...... so, here I sit, failing terribly at Motherhood.
QUESTION OF THE DAY??????????? Where is the baby reset button..... I want a do-over please !
***********NEWS UPDATE************* the crying has stopped, and she's chatting away..... I actually think I can hear her mocking me.... no, I'm only kidding, BUT, she is FINE !!!!!!!! I bet if I so much as look at her she'll cry..... oh yeah... big mistake. Live and learn............... side note, in the time it took me to re-read this post, she has calmed down, and She's making clicking noises, you know, where you snap your tongue... she's quite good at that...... so here we are, her clicking away, and talking to herself, and me, afraid to look at my own kid......
So, there we have another chapter in the Saga of a new, VERY old Mother...... but you know, I wouldn't change it for a minute...... I've been waiting a lifetime for this little girl, she is, and always has been my daughter. I just so want to make her the bestest, strongest, MOST well rounded individual, I can't afford to make any mistakes, and I do know that isn't realistic and EVERYONE makes mistakes.... but this little being is now our lives..... my life....... and again, I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe the hysterics..... laughter, I'll take laughter......... so I'm signing off now with one exception...... there are 4 hands at this keyboard....... right now, 4 very happy hands...... oh boy do I have questions for Dr. Aronson!!!!!
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3 comments:
I do not know how to reset. But here's some good advise you can read.
http://giorgiadanette.blogspot.com/2006/11/baby-jetlag-once-home.html
Oh boy do I know what you are going through! Only with our daughter, the screaming started the first day we met her, and it took about 6 months for it to fully calm down.
When we got home with her on April 3, 2008, we had to move her crib into our room. We snugged it right up next to the bed on my side and removed the railing on that side (I had to crawl into bed from the foot of the bed, it was so much fun). This way she could be within reach, but she wasn't actually in the bed. When we put her to bed, I had to lay down with her until she fell asleep. Our agency social worker gave us the idea for this and we were so very grateful!
After a couple of weeks we moved her crib a few feet away from the bed, and then on Mother's Day we moved her, and her crib, into her own room. At this point she did fine.
BTW, I found your blog through RQ and have followed your journey to your beautiful daughter. Congratulations!
Diane
Oh you poor thing. I hope your doctor is able to help. Good luck
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