Well, today was a big day at our agency. A new batch of children (SN's), had come in last week, and today was the day they were to decide who would be blessed with new arrivals or not.
Dave and I had never requested a match to a special needs child, but when I saw the two little faces of these twin girls, my heart melted, and I just had to ask Dave his feelings too.
I was completely taken back when Dave expressed interest, and together we dove right in. We shared our news with family and friends, which perhaps wasn't the best idea in town.
Today, I sat by the phone, trying to remain optimistic, though my fears were mounting. When the call finally came in, and my S.W. stated it's not good news, it was all I could do to remain calm and get through the conversation. "I did everything in my power", she said, or something to that effect.
Now, I'm just left with such a sense of loss. I know Dave, who's NEVER phased in these types of situations, is devastated in his own way.
I feel especially sad for his Mom, who got sooooo excited about these two babies. So, what do you do in this situation. We've been waiting for nearly 26 months. I feel as though my heart was ripped out. I feel such a sense of loss. This process is endless.
When I think back to the initial application, in '04, when we had to pull out of the process. The wait time back then was a mere 6 months. Now, it's tripled from that time, no end in site.
I feel truly sad for the people that have put in and requested a match with a child before, this, and got refused. How many times can you go through this type of rejection.
All any of us want to be are parents. All we want to hear is laughter in our homes......... wipe away tears, and love and nurture.
So, that's about it. We understood that requesting a match to these twins was such a long shot, but still the pain is no less. I wish them a wonderful life, with their new family, and may they have speedy travel...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo's your almost Mom :). I'll think of you for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bless you all.
